One reader’s appeal for reason

A reader posted the following honest, balanced and well-argued and highly personal piece appealing for more consideration and sensitivity in the whole issue of pubes. She writes:

“I would like to hear about how much you care for what the women feel, the pleasure they receive, in an honest way. I would also like to know that you care about the etiquette of touching sensually pubic hair, rather than just touching skin first. I would like to think that the sensation of what a woman feels is most important.


I know my experience may be extreme, but when I shaved or waxed, I was in near constant pain for weeks or months. I have only done this a few times in my life for a few months at a time. I could feel that my lips would be soft to touch, they felt good on my fingers, and I understand why you might like them that way, and I know that shaving and waxing doesn’t hurt every woman, day in and day out, but I don’t think you actively acknowledge those of us that experience this discomfort. Obviously, I won’t keep trying to get over this discomfort, but will continue on with my wonderful, natural bush.

It is a particularly sensitive topic to discuss with a lover, because no-one wants to hear that they pussy that they are about to fuck hurts, and has hurts 24-7 for days. And then they say, at least trim the yard, and that hurts and itches too. unbearably so. I don’t know why mine itches so, maybe my hairs are courser than the average woman’s – I have never even been able to stand trimming the few hairs in my bikini line. Trimming removes the softness and my pubic hairs get prickly. When I trimmed (which I rarely do) and cuddled up to my husband, he said “ouch” – so trimming the yard sucks too.

I like to think that our comfort is your utmost concern and that, even though we might not tell you, because it isn’t very sexy, there is a lot of discomfort associated with this trimming and cutting practice (not for everyone – but for enough of us). As it become more expected, for those women who find it painful, there is often too much pressure such that emotional issues of self hatred can come up (this is real – women are beginning to dislike their own bushes – I never remember this among my friends in college and we all had natural bushes to the extreme).


I don’t mean to put a damper on all the fun, I like this site a lot, but I feel it does not adequately address the unintentional oppression that is occurring. I couldn’t wear 90% of my pants for a month after I waxed. Rawness and what felt like bacterial imbalance occurred (I’ve used the biofeedback method for birth control since I was 18 so I am super familiar with the smell and taste, of my genital microbiome).

Upon waxing my outer labia, it literally turned from mucus membranes into a skin evolving to be dry, and the cotton of my underwear would suck the moistness out of my lips (ouch – its like having cotton on the inside of the lips of your mouth). As a smooth callous formed, and my labial skin become like soft leather, instead of a moist lip, I began to be able to wear my pants again. But they are not very sensitive to touch. Tickling my pubes would send me sky high, but the touch on my labial skin is less sensitive than touching my inner thigh now. Fucking with lots of lube is nice though.

I would like for all men to accept us and for all women to speak positively about hair, such that everyone is accepted and positive thoughts about diversity are spread.”


Thanks for your this heartfelt piece, dear reader. Dealing with itchy stubble, chafing and dryness is no fun at all. And I do agree with you that if a woman is not comfortable either physically or emotionally with styling her pubes, then she shouldn’t be doing it. Guys, of course, you need to respect that choice.

16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. cXBushLover
    Mar 09, 2014 @ 11:13:32

    Thank you very much for your Words and the information.
    I have fully respekt to you and every woman who say, I do not shave – whatever reason it is – and now, after reading your pain I keep this more in mind, that shaving is not funny for all of us !
    And natural is even erotic as any style πŸ™‚


  2. Angela D.
    Mar 20, 2014 @ 13:26:07

    There are certainly other things to consider when deciding which way we will sculpt our mounds of fun. I know it can be uncomfortable for some, but I prefer it completely bald, especially when one or more of my other married friends and I have the opportunity for some girls only time. When I’m in the mood, there is nothing better than the taste of a completely shaven pussy. Besides, nothing spells mood killer like hair in the mouth…


  3. Steppfred
    Apr 08, 2014 @ 05:39:44


  4. Anna
    Apr 22, 2014 @ 05:00:09

    I get like 3 hairs in my mouth every time I go down on a guy, leg hairs, arm hairs, chest hairs – they stick to lube. When I went down on a girl (rarely, I didn’t get any ahirs in my mouth. I dont’ know why. You are the mood killer if your mood is killed.


    • Angela D.
      Apr 22, 2014 @ 07:02:13

      See here’s the thing about posting your “opinion”…it’s yours! Of course I am the mood killer if MY mood is spoiled. Thanks so much for your insight, Captain Obvious.
      Furthermore, everyone’s feelings and sensitivities vary. Some women have trouble achieving an orgasm without penetration, some without stimulation of the clitoris, and some can’t at all. Some of us prefer hair, and some do not. Either way it is a losing battle for you to imply your choice is better for ME. Now go troll someone else.


  5. Anna
    Apr 22, 2014 @ 05:02:00

    I don’t know if that is true, about long hair and consciousness, but I do believe that hairs are there for sensory reasons, and without my pubes, I feel very little pleasure in the nether regions.


  6. Anna
    Apr 28, 2014 @ 16:33:50

    @Angela D. My apologies for taking your comment personally and suggesting that you were the ‘mood killer’. I don’t like to be impolite, but sometimes I get offended and say things that are not productive. I have found the language used by some to imply that pubic hair and the juices in it are gross really difficult to accept. It’s kind of like, don’t ‘yuck my yum’ concept, or just speak positively about our bodies. So I was triggered by what you said that pubic hair kills the mood. Of course I love that women have the option to shave, wax, or have a bush – all choices are fine. My concern is, do all women feel they have the option, and does making some part of our bodies sound gross help the greater cause of humanity? I would like oral sex when waxed better if I were getting it from a woman, I can see the potential. But for me I couldn’t get oral when waxed because my husbands stubble chaffed – I tried multiple times and ended up with rashes the next day – getting it from a woman would be better. I know some women feel enhanced pleasure from waxing and want to do it, which is great. No issue there. I am speaking about the part of the population that does not feel enhanced pleasure (may even feel less like me), and endures pain, but does not have the self confidence to feel ok leaving everything alone, or even more, may experience Chaetophobia (fear, anxiety or grossness about hair). The idea that woman would feel that their pubic hair is gross, instead of totally sexy (weather they shave or not), is super sad to me. With regard to pain, I feel more pain from pubic hair removal than I do for dental work, and I haven’t used any pain killer for my last 15 dental fillings – so my pain tolerance is pretty high. It is really important to me that women are not pressured to do something so uncomfortable, even if only a minority of women feel a lot of pain in pubic hair removal.


    • Angela D.
      Apr 28, 2014 @ 20:00:12

      Anna, I totally understand your side of that as well. In a way I suppose it is simply a matter of give and take. And to clarify my comment about the mood, it is more about how much more aroused I get from the feel of my smooth face between another woman’s legs and the juices all over both of us. It is far more comfortable without the presence of hair. However, there is another alternative to removal or shaving- trimming. Simply trimming pubic hair to a manageable length can sometimes make both parties happy. It won’t create the uncomfortable feeling of shaving or waxing, and not as likely to get in the mouth of the person giving oral pleasure.
      Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot, so I apologize as well. After reading your further comments below, maybe what we need is an opportunity to share our experiences (and other things) in person πŸ˜‰


      • Anna
        May 09, 2014 @ 15:59:20

        Thanks Angela D, I appreciate your reply, and yes, I think we need an appropriate forum. Trimming may work for some – For me I loose sexual sensation the shorter the hair gets. I was amazed by this, but then asked my best friend, who waxes, and she agreed that before she waxed, when she trimmed or didn’t trim, sensation was greatest with longer hair. People ask why we have pubic hair, and for me, the answer is obvious – it is the most arousing part of our body – the sensation is awesome, unless it is short, in which case it is almost sensationless to me, and I would honestly rather not have any hair than have prickles. My hair is too course, when I trim, it stays awfully sharp for about a month. It prickles me to a level of insane discomfort. It is my least favorite option because I still have pain, but don’t have the sensually arousing benefits of long hair or skin. I am not very lesbian, and only have gone down on one girl, but she had pubes and it was fun – I stayed there for a half hour and never got a hair in my mouth, while, ironically, when I went down on a dude that was super trimmed and shaved recently, I got 9 hairs in my mouth Excuse me for counting, but I am kind of fed up with people complaining about going down on girls and getting hair in their mouth. For me, the hair represents 5 seconds of discomfort, while the shaving, trimming, or waxing represent – how many second are in a day? Orders of magnitude more. It feels like too much to ask and kind of hurts my feelings that anyone would ever consider asking that of me or anyone.

  7. Anna
    Apr 28, 2014 @ 18:25:39

    I am married, and open. So I was dating a lover who was scared of pubic hair. He tried to touch me but was squeamish (he hadn’t been with women who had much pubic hair before – ironically I think my bush is small). I had been intending to wax for play with my husband soon, but put it off because of the new guy (didn’t want to do it for him). Eventually I did it to get on with my and my husband’s sexual adventures (I like variety). Thought my lover would be stoked. I made the mistake of joking about it being uncomfortable (not while in bed or anything, just like buddies), I was being sugarcoatingly honest about it. Then he wouldn’t touch me because he didn’t want to touch pussy that was uncomfortable. Squeamish there too. Oh well, some things are just out of your control. And it crossed my mind that maybe women don’t tell their partners how uncomfortable it is. OK, I know you get used to it. I just don’t know, where is the balance? Guys don’t want to hear it hurts because that is unsexy (Don’t blame them), but is honesty important too? My women friends who choose to wax or shave admit discomfort too, aside from the actual waxing experience. I have yet to talk to a woman, in person, who doesn’t.


    • Anna
      Apr 28, 2014 @ 18:42:25

      oh yeah, and after several months of that, I told my husband he could find his waxed pussy somewhere else, since we are open. Ha ha. (he likes all styles) But seriously, …that’s where I am at. Love a free world where I am confident enough to let that happen….I just hope every gal that doesn’t feel like pruning feels as safe and beautiful, and I hope you’ll help me create that world. Thanks for taking the time to read my posts.


  8. Grace J Power
    Dec 20, 2014 @ 02:18:06

    I can relate to the uncomfortable feeling after being waxed. It is very common and I believe that the majority of women experience discomfort after their first few waxes. It doesn’t really get too much better until your 4-6th session, and that is doing it regularly every 4-6 months. After that, you start reaping the benefits. The hair is much thinner and softer. There is usually less of it too. If for some reason, you are prone to ingrown hairs, then laser hair removal is the best option. If you have lighter colored hair, or don’t want to invest in laser hair removal, sugaring is also a great alternative to waxing. It’s a bit more gentle on the skin and grabs more hair so the results last 1-2 weeks longer. In between sessions, you have to grow the hair in so you can still experience the sensation of your hair being tickled in your most intimate areas. It does feel fantastic!


  9. Drew
    Feb 26, 2015 @ 17:54:58

    When I was younger I used to think it was all about me. blah blah blah immature selfish boy shit blah blah… But as I matured I began to realize how something makes a woman feel – whether it’s feeling comfortable/sexy/powerful/confident/etc – is such a turn on for me. I look at “lawncare” like I look at lingerie. In my recent relationships (casual and serious), I have been encouraging things of that nature based upon HER desires, finding out what she likes and making it very clear to her that I respect and appreciate what she chooses based upon how it makes her feel. Because, let’s be honest, there is a huge fringe benefit for both of us involved! Obviously – not being in pain from waxing or some other process she may have felt pressured to go through is huge – and I wouldn’t think to be that selfish as to demand she do that. I love making others feel good about things – whether it is through acts of kindness or just being supportive. Especially when it comes to intimates subjects like this. So I am very open and honest about this with a partner. Intimate discussion and realistic expectation setting makes things really flow nicely into this area, and man….When she is already in her comfort zone and chooses to share herself with me, it is a much more pleasurable experience for both of us if our heads are right. It leads to more instinctual (ravaging lol) behavior and freaky fun loving times ensue! I know this is a pubic style forum, and I may be rambling a bit – but it’s all relevant πŸ™‚ and @Grace – totally agree on the tickling part – my girlfriend loves when I let my fingertips play in her pubes while watching tv or reading in bed…it’s fun and so so intimate.


  10. catch22ish
    May 25, 2015 @ 06:00:50

    I know what you mean. I’ve been in a quandary about it. I’ve been surveying all of my female friends & seems like I’m the only non-bald.
    I just did a total shave yesterday since I’m not w/a guy right now I wanted a chance to see it that way again to see if I’ve changed my mind about liking it. I’ve shaved before & usually just keep it trimmed ( but oooh it can get prickly, not fun). Never had the kind of bush that even showed when I wear a bikini, just grows in a nice little triangle.
    But now that I’m starting to get a few greys I’m not liking that so gave it another go.
    But I have to say that I like my bush. Somehow when I look at myself nude in the mirror as a baldie, it seems to lack a certain artistic symmetry. That dark patch centered at the base of my torso below my breasts & especially the color of my nipples is just pretty. Its much the same way artists see the symmetry in a face, its been found that eyes that are wider apart & a mouth that is centered below, is proven to be more captivating in random controlled studies. We color our lips for to make that triangle more apparent & draw attention.
    Now there’s too much of same color. And it seems weird & maybe even pervy to look pre-pubescent. I like looking like a woman not a girl.
    Plus even tho I kept a nice little trim, I liked what felt like the womanly modesty of it. Somehow to me it detracts from those pretty lines & angles. It does feel smooth to my fingers which is nice, but then again I liked the way it felt when I rubbed my hair & that nice friction kind of tantalized & warmed everything up in preparation…
    I liked the feeling of a guy with hair when it rubbed against mine, that warm friction & that little bit of protective fluff so as not to chaff.
    The last guy I dated was shaved bald & its a little off putting, like a boy. It felt nice as long as he had JUST shaved. The worst thing is to feel like you’re getting it with a cactus, no fun at all!
    It’s not great to go down on a super hairy guy, so tidy is good, but sometimes if they’ve just trimmed the hairs can be kind of sharp, it days a few days for i to be comfortable, just like a beard. Oh speaking of which, the littlest amount of facial stubble on a man when they are going down on me bald is terrible! Ouch!
    But back to my few grey hairs;few now, more to follow. I don’t want a gray kittie. I’ve actually been looking at some pubic tattoos right in the area that my hair grows. That way I could have something pretty with color that will give me back look I like. Wouldn’t it be pretty to have a very beautiful flower there?
    Not past the hair area, I wouldn’t even want it to show in a bikini, and nothing trashy. I hear that surprisingly it’s not as painful as one might think to get one there.
    Now I just have to try bald sex again before making my decision. If it doesn’t feel good, my bush comes back, fad be damned if it gets in the way of good sex.

    This whole hating on hair is a bit weird to me. I’ve surveyed some guys too, not many, but all so far all have said they prefer a hairless woman. Oddly a few were quite rabid about it saying it was disgusting & there was no way they would even touch a woman with pubic hair, that the thought of it makes them want to puke. That I found very strange. While no one likes to get hairs in their mouth, seems to me that if its combed & trimmed, freshly showered, that’s not that likely.
    I absolutely do not like a man that shaves everything; pub’s, chest, legs, arms. Ugh, much too fem for me when they are smooth as a little boy. I like a MAN.
    That said; I do not like a man with chest hair…on his back. πŸ™‚
    Really its just about personal grooming, no extremes necessary.
    FYI for one guy that was really outspoken about how gross women w/hair were (he’s the boyfriend of my friend): knowing they were coming to visit I found an old hair extension that I’d tried once when I had long hair (on my head that is) & I stuck it in my jeans with a long lock of it coming thru the zipper & answered the door that way! The look on his face was priceless.


  11. Playfull Bush
    Aug 03, 2019 @ 17:23:06

    THANK YOUπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘
    This is well said and spoken! Every woman feels and responds differently. The appeal of an aesthetic look may or may not change over time but what matters is that the the grooming you do or don’t do downstairs is YOUR choice and satisfies your emotional needs not someone’s “desire.” I always had a fairly full grown bush even in summer. I grew up in South East U.S. and I was always in a bikini or bathing suit pubic “pokies” and all. Most of my girlfriends couldn’t believe it as they had very trimmed and tight hair or the famous “landing strip.” Senior year of HS I tried waxing bikini line for a guy I liked and would be at the lake with a couple days before us and friends were heading out to water ski. I was worried what he might think if saw that unlike my friends I had a FULL BUSH (Lots of bikini malfunctions in water sports so was trying to prepare.) What a DISASTER!!! I had welts and red bumps the size of nickles all along my bikini line and inner thighs. Needless to say that was the last time I did that……until college. Fast forward a year and that same guy is now my boyfriend and we’re at college. He suggested I try shaving all of my bush. I said I would do it but shave and not wax so out comes scissors and then I borrowed his beard trimmer then finally a razor where I must admit the process was far less painful and I enjoyed seeing and feeling my Lady Diamond is her smoothness as did he. I continued my shaving habits as did my girlfriends through college but when he and I broke up bush was back and it’s been ever since!!


    • pubicstyle
      Aug 10, 2019 @ 01:47:59

      Hi Playful B. Thanks for sharing your story with us. So sad to hear about that waxing disaster. What a fraught time it must be for teenage girls when invited to go swimming where there will be ‘significant’ boys around. And pubic peer pressure too. Tough times. You know what, I wonder if you would be interested in writing a whole post for the blog, and flesh out your story above. If you’re up for it, you could drop a text file into the anonymous Dropbox, and I’ll edit it into a post. If you don’t have new pictures yet, don’t worry. I can intersperse a couple of your existing contributions into the story if they fit in context.


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